My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
