yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i need some magic done to my vagina
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
