Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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