We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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