if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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