Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
