it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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