i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
