You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
