I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
