Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
