I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
