I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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