wakey wakey hands off snakey
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
