The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize