i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
