Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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