What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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