I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
two words...techno handjob
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is my gift to your gina
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
