we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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