My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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