He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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