Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
