I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
