she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
