is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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