why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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