you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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