just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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