I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
