meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
