i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize