Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
