I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
