Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
