so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
