It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
