this beer tastes like vomit already
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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