took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
