then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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