Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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