You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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