I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
