Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
only you would photoshop your dick
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
