She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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