I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize