dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
