did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
