Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
