Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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