why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
