What did we do last night that was yellow?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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