I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
