i just had sex bonerless
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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