Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
did i just pee glitter
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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