Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's official drugs can't kill me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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