Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
