We're facebook friends in real life
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
