2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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