your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I want to have your abortion
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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