hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
