He disabled his match.com account in front of me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
