dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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