My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
