I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Let's get the cat blown out
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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