You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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