What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize