oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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