And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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