i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
accomplished twins. life is a go
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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