No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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