all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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