So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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