omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
