She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
