I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize