You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
