The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
