God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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