You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
