After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So vagazzling was a success
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
