If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize