NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
