Are we in a gay sports bar?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
