remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
