please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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