are you so shy because you have an std?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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