I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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