Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize