I'm lost and stupid without you.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
