Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
