She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
