just tell him i said nine months
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
