just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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