You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
