So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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