wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize