We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
