i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
