she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
two words...techno handjob
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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