I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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