dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
