she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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