piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
