I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We are all done wearing pants today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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