Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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