I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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