Kiss
Puke
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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