I have demons in me.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
