So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
