why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dicks are not precious.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
