thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize