You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
