end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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