Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
