The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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