i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
