I got her a Nickelback box set.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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