Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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